225.4 -Weigh In

Cleaning it up! This morning’s breakfast – Eggs, Oatmeal, & Water. Check out my nutrition under the Diet Hawk link

My weight is surprisingly high this morning. I’m not surprised that it’s up, but am surprised at how much. Yesterday I was up to 223.6. Why is my weight so high? I have to disclose that I haven’t been trying to hard lately. Back to half-assing things – diet, exercise, dedication… I went for broke on Monday and had Panda Express for lunch. I added up the calories based on their website nutrition to see exactly how bad it really was…. Wow it was really bad. Over 1700 calories! just for lunch! I only have around 1750 total daily calories allotted to me. Last night we had pizza and soda for dinner. Nothing but crap…

A major problem that I have is that I have a “Perfectionist” attitude. You’re probably thinking, “Some one with a perfectionist attitude would strive for perfection and lose weight, not gain it” right? My problem is that I’m all-or-nothing, which is bad. You see, I can eat well in the morning, maybe even eat well for lunch, but if I screw up and eat something crappy later, then my mind thinks “Oh well, today’s shot – You might as well eat whatever you want and don’t exercise because it won’t matter. Try again tomorrow.” It’s what kept me fat for so many years.

In addition to that, I’m heading back down to Hogtown this weekend for the Tennessee/Florida matchup for a guy’s weekend with my buddies Rick and Will. I know, as it always is, this weekend will be rife with beer, chicken wings, and who knows what else. Yes, it’s going to be hella fun, but then my brain goes into overdrive again…” Hey you’re going down to Gainesville for guy’s weekend. You’re going to ingest a shit ton of calories. Why even worry about getting back into shape and losing weight until that weekend is over.” It’s quite defeating.

Rick and I spoke about it. He uses logic – “eat well until that weekend, then get back at it afterward. That way you only have one bad weekend.” (I’m paraphrasing here). As much as the devil on my shoulder tries to justify my weak ass approach to procrastinating, I can’t win this argument. Remember… Tomorrow Never Comes. There will always be something else coming up. I must persevere. So I’m forcing myself to clean up my diet, even if it is just for the next couple days before Guy’s Weekend.  I restarted Focus T25 (a Beachbody Fitness Program similar to Insanity) on Monday, but I haven’t run in three weeks! Three weeks! I can’t believe it. My wife started a new job recently and she’s working longer hours. She’s pretty tired at night, so we don’t always see eye-to-eye about me leaving for an hour to run the neighborhood while the kids are still awake. I have to work on getting them to bed earlier or simply sacrificing sleep and running late at night like I used to. I must get that type of dedication back.

By the way, for those of you who have noticed me calling Gainesville “Hogtown” every once in a while but don’t know why… here you go.

Hogtown. Click to enlarge pic.

221.6

Per the rules of FitBet II, I have to post my weight each M, W, And Saturday. So here is today’s weigh in. 221.6. About the same as yesterday.

I ate clean all day except that I did have one Coke with my lunch yesterday. So nothing else to report.

Officially started Focus T25 yesterday. It’s a home boot camp style workout similar to Insanity or P90X. The beautiful thing about this workout is that it only takes 25 minutes. However, there are no “official”breaks so it is tiring and you do sweat a lot. But it’s fun so far. 5 days a week, for a total of 10 weeks.

218.8 – A New Beginning?

My weight has remained stagnant for several weeks now. Just teetering below the dreaded 220 mark. I’ve done just enough to make sure to not cross that barrier again, but not nearly enough to start losing the fat on a regular basis like I was early on in my Fit Gator journey. I really wanted to get under 200 lbs for my trip to Gainesville, but that is fast approaching in only 15 days. Blink and it will be here before you know it.

I wasn’t really sure why I’m not losing weight. I mean, yeah, I know physically it’s because of poor nutritional choices and not exercising as much as I should. But I was trying to go deeper. To figure out what mental block has been holding me back. Where is the drive and determination that I used to have? Where has that desire to be the Fit Gator gone?

Some days I have it – that spark. I’ll eat well and exercise my ass off.  I’ll lose a couple of pounds and breathe a sigh of relief, “I can still do this.”, Other days I don’t have it.  I don’t get enough sleep and I get super lazy and complacent. I don’t prepare or plan out my meals so I eat crap like Subway or Chick-Fil-A. And because I’m so sluggish, I’ll down a Coke in hopes that the caffeine will perk me up. But the sugar rush usually gets me crashing about the time I’m home from work and need to do my Insanity workout. I do the workouts, but often I’m so lethargic that I’ll half-ass them, taking unauthorized breaks when I probably don’t really need to – definitely not ‘digging deeper’ as Shaun T yells at me to do. Then I’ll skip my late night cardio sessions. All this usually leads to a small weight gain the next morning. I see 220 approaching and I force myself to dial it back to make sure I never weigh that much ever again.

On a positive note, I guess that’s better than it was, when there were many more days that I didn’t have any motivation than when I did.  But “better than I was” is far from where I need to be. It’s not good enough. It’s still shit. Ah, but there is light at the end of this tunnel…

I had a good talk with my wife Rachel the other night. We analyzed the mental barriers that have been holding me back and how to break through them. We acknowledged that deep within me, that flame of desire still burns. The Fit Bet, the side bets, all of that was there to help motivate me, but they’ve come to discourage me. The countdown of days until the deadline, which was supposed to create a sense of urgency, has ultimately backfired.

Inside my mind, knowing how far behind I got on my weight loss after my mother passed, has caused me to think very negatively. Like “Why even try? There’s physically no way a 40-year-old man can lose that amount of weight in this remaining amount of time.” So I talk myself out of exercising. I talk myself into eating fast food. “I can’t win the bet, so why try?” But Rachel helped me see the big picture. This isn’t about buying Rick some beer or wearing a stupid t-shirt. This isn’t about just hitting a goal weight. This is about getting healthy. This is about adding years to my life. This is about being a role model for my kids. This is about a lifestyle change. This is about living!

SDV.

216.8

Rise and shine. You know I’m kind of sick going round and round on my weight here. The other day I lost 4 and a half pounds in one day by combining calorie restriction and hella amounts of cardio.

Then I made the mistake of going out with my buddy Will for beers on Saturday night. Sunday morning I went golfing with another friend and knocked back tons of soda due to the heat on the links. Weight was up to 217.6 yesterday morning. In addition to my Insanity workout, I only got in that little amount of cardio while sleep running last night (see my last post) and now am down just shy of a pound.

There are now 24 days until Gainesville. As I mentioned in earlier posts I’d really like to get down below two bills by then. If I shoot to lose a pound a day (on average) from now until then o think I can do it. I’ll really to need to focus on my diet. I’d also like to get in two full cardio sessions each day.

So for the next few weeks, I’m not going to worry about any fitness bets or ultimate goals, I’m just going to focus on that magic number, 199. Put all my energy into reaching that by August 30th. It will be my lowest weight to date and the first time in 14 years that I’ve weighed less than two hundred pounds. A milestone.

218.6 – Danger, Will Robinson

Warning!…  Warning!…  Danger, Will Robinson! 

After getting my weight as low as 205 and on the precipice of breaking back into the 100’s [Onederland] for the first time in nearly a decade and a half, I have dramatically put back on the weight. The reason can be summed up in three words: Diet, diet, diet. I weighed in on Tuesday (didn’t post it) at 214.2. Forgot to weigh in yesterday and last night Rachel and I made the not-so-smart decision to eat Hibachi from a local Japanese steakhouse. I’m sure I ate way too much (calorie wise) and the food is no doubt loaded with sodium.

So here I am … instead of breaking new ground into new frontiers, I’ve lost some serious ground. I’ve fallen off the edge of the fitness cliff, and I’m hanging precariously by a small vine (of hope). I need to stop the bleeding now. Once and for all.

Lately, breakfast has been the issue. I have to eat early since I work at 6am. I have been eating either cereal or PB&J toast with Orange Juice.  Then by 8am I’m usually starving again. Why? Because I’m not ingesting very much protein which helps to keep one fuller longer. Lots of carbs which I apparently burn right through. So then at 8 (I try to hold off until at least 9), I must eat some sort of snack. It used to be a protein bar, but I got burned out on eating those (they taste like crap after a while). So lately I’ve been eating some peanut butter crackers and a Coke (damn you evil soda). More carbs, no protein. As you can guess, that also doesn’t keep me full for long.

By the time my lunch break rolls around (usually around 11:30) I’m starving again. I get in my car and contemplate having to go to my house and take the time associated with actually make something healthy, but the growls from my stomach and mild nausea from being slightly hypoglycemic usually cause me to head to a nearby restaurant instead. It’s quicker to satiate my appetite and hunger. And although I’ve been trying to avoid the usual pitfalls of fast food like McDonald’s or Zaxby’s I do find myself getting Subway or Chick-Fil-A. But I haven’t been stringent about making those meals healthy. At Subway, I’ll generally get chips and a big sweet tea with what is usually a 6″ Tuna on wheat (But sometimes I opt for a foot long – although when that happens, I usually get full after eating about 75% of it).

Then I get off work at 3 and head home to do my Insanity workout. But the Insanity workouts are tough so I eat something for an afternoon snack, usually like a Nutragrain bar or something to give me a quick boost of energy. More carbs, no protein.

So now it’s 4:30. Workout is over. I’ve been up since 5am (likely went to bed too late, 11p or later as usual). I’ve worked all day til 3. I’ve worked out til 4:30. Then I have to pick up my daughter from camp. Home by 5. I’m exhausted, tired. Plop down on the couch to hang with my daughter for a few minutes and to actually take a much needed break. 5:30 hits and my wife is off work and heading to daycare to pick up our other daughter. “What’s for dinner?” she asks. Hell, I don’t know… I’m tired, and much like I do at lunch, the motivation to take the time to cook a healthy meal after my day so far seems quite unappealing. So what do we do? We order Hibachi. Ugh… I can hear me getting fatter just by talking about this…

Dinner’s over. Kids need to be bathed. Laundry needs to be done. Rooms need to be picked up. Dishes washed. Trash taken out… The list continues. Now it’s pushing 9 pm. Kids need to go to sleep, but fight and argue to stay awake and play. I really need to incorporate my night-time cardio workout that seemed to work so well for me – even if it’s now just to counter some of the negative effects I’ve caused by eating poorly. I am literally fighting to simply stay the same weight and not gain weight, don’t even think about losing weight at this pace.

But now more often than not, the late night cardio doesn’t materialize. Since I go to work so early, when the rest of my family sleeps, my wife is solely responsible for getting the kids up, fed, and off to their respective places-o-fun for the day. Often it’s a struggle for her just to make it to her job on time.  I can’t justify not helping her after dinner, cleaning up and helping with the chores which includes making sure the kids are bathed, teeth brushed and asleep. It’s not fair to her. She deals with the arguing and struggles by herself in the morning. Kendall, the eight year old is a piece of cake. She’s tired and wants to go to bed by 9:30 on her own. Drew, our three-year old wants to party until the sun comes up. We literally have to make sure everything is shut down and lights off for her to go to sleep. Otherwise she’s too distracted and stays awake and wants to play and talk and generally keep us from doing anything we want to do.  So we turn off the lights and lay down with her to get her to go to sleep and I’m so tired and exhausted from the day and poor diet already that I usually fall asleep before she does. I wake myself up, but now it’s usually too late to work out. Closing in on midnight. 

Day over. Fat 1, Andy 0.

Rinse and repeat.

Long post, I know… hang with me. It’s almost over. I’ve gotten to the point where I simply must force myself to eat clean. I have to change-up my diet to include more protein. I have to force myself to drink shit tons of water to stay hydrated and keep the hunger pangs at bay. I have to resist the urge to be lazy and instead make my lunches and dinners. Eat healthy foods. Keep a close eye on my calories and macros. Watch my diet like a hawk. Also need to shut things down earlier at night. Get the kids to sleep earlier, so I can go to the gym or running.

So today is Day 1 on the road to recovery. Like Rick says, I must make up lost ground before I can forge new ground. But I’m determined. I won’t let this beat me. I’ll persevere and succeed.

213.2

Ok, so I’m back on track after Hurricane Will struck on Saturday.  Down about a pound from yesterday. The second half Insanity workouts are going to be tough. Had to do the Fit Test AND the workout which has been upped from 40 mins to about an hour now. Admittedly, I had to take a ton of breaks. I did that on top of mowing my yard and running/walking 4 miles yesterday. I did have about 500 more calories than I was shooting for, but still lost some weight.

Going to focus on hitting my calorie mark (or less) the next few days and see where that puts me. Thank goodness Rick extended the FitBet until the end of September, otherwise I’d have to lose 40 lbs in ~ 40 days. Ugh.

213.2

Ok so no real change in weight from yesterday to today. Rachel and I had “taco night” last night. And although I made myself chicken soft tacos, I also ate some tortilla chips, salsa, and queso. I didn’t track my calories at dinner and likely had too much sodium which kept my weight stagnant.

I did do my Insanity workout in the afternoon but was too tired to do an evening cardio workout. Hoping to make up for that today and even more so this weekend !

213.0

Three steps forward, no steps back. So far so good. Nearly down 3 pounds in as many days.

So next week Rick and I start the second half of Insanity. Workouts get longer, tougher. Currently in the middle recovery week, Core Cardio and Balance. Like the workout but getting nervous about the workouts to come. I still wasn’t able to do all the prior workouts 100% without taking breaks so I can only imagine what next week will bring. Guess I really will have to “Dig Deeper!”

215.8 -Full Disclosure & A Promise

In the name of full disclosure, I weighed in this morning at 215.8 pounds. I have been neglecting my health (and therefore this blog) for far too long now.  A while back I made the decision to start posting my weight upon waking up every day. Rick had suggested doing it once a week to keep myself honest and accountable. But I knew if I didn’t post it every single day that it would give me way too much leeway to slack off on my diet and exercise – thinking in the back of my mind that I’ll “make it up tomorrow”.

Well lo and behold, somewhere in the past few months, I stopped doing that. And it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  For those of you who may have been keeping up with this blog, you know I had suffered a personal loss just under two months ago. As much as I tried to get my mind right, I continued to slack off. Rick saw this and gave me a freebie month on our Fitbet, extending the deadline by one month to the end of September to hit my goal weight of 170-175lbs.

Then began the zigzagging. I would do great for a couple of days, lose some pounds. Then I’d disappear from the blog for a couple of days, do poorly, gain a few pounds. Even Rick noticed the pattern. He’d text me after not seeing any posts on my blog for a couple of days and say something like “haven’t seen any posts for a few days; that’s usually a  bad sign.” – which it was. Inevitably I would be up in weight due to poor diet and half-assing the exercise – too embarrassed to post my weight gain.

But the past few days exercise has started becoming fun again. I’ve started looking forward to it like I used to. To be honest, up until this point, the past couple months, I’ve been dreading it. Knowing that I had Insanity workouts looming 6 days a week. Knowing that I really needed to hit the gym or run the neighborhood to compensate for poor food choices. But now, I’m beginning to look at this with excitement once again. I feel like I’m breaking out of the complacency that’s burdened me for over eight weeks now.

I looked back at some posts early on in this blog and I notice that I’m roughly at the same weight now as where I was in late April. That not only sucks, but could really be defeating if I let it be. But for some reason it’s not. It’s motivation for me. It shows me how well I was doing. How far I had come in such a short amount of time. It reminded me that I can actually do this!

This blog originally began as something that I was going to use to simply chronicle my journey. I didn’t think anyone but Rick and I and possibly my wife would ever look at it. But now over 90 of you guys have subscribed to this!  You’ve bought into it. You’ve actually expressed interest in seeing my progress. And I sincerely thank you all. For this reason, I make this promise to all of you – I promise to see this thing through to the end. I promise to never give up. I promise that no matter what life throws my way, no matter how many times I may get knocked down or stumble and fall, that I will always find a way to persevere and rise above it. Just seeing those “likes” on my posts let’s me know that you guys are still out there. You’re still rooting for me … a stranger … perhaps on the same path as you – to get healthy and fit!

The Fit Gator Journey continues….

SDV.

FitBet Side Bet – 1 Week Update

Ok. So as of yesterday I weighed in at 208.8 – down a pound and a half.

Rick weighed in at 188.8 – down three and a half pounds.

The FitBet Side Bet was to see who could lose 13 pounds the fastest. So far Rick has me by 2 pounds.

Rick’s advantages are that he has more time available to him to workout/train and prepare meals. My advantage over him is that I have more weight to lose and should be able to lose weight at a faster click. So I look at it as a fair bet.

I’ve decided to set and track my macronutrients (“macros”) in addition to simply tracking calories. So I will be watching my protein, fat, and carb intake as well. I would also like to add some additional workouts to my daily Insanity workouts – maybe hit the gym at night more often like I was doing early on.
Think these small changes can slingshot me past Rick by next week’s update.